Nikki Lawley: cannabis connects my dots | State Green

My name is Nikki Lawley and cannabis saved my life. I am a traumatic brain injury (TBI) survivor. I truly believe that without medical marijuana, I might not be here today.

Finding cannabis has been a long and difficult journey for me. My goal in starting this guest column was to share my experiences and guide others so they don’t have difficulties in the same way that I did. In this first edition I want to tell my story.

Prior to my injury, I was a happy and accomplished mother of two grown children, a grandmother, happily married and with my partner of 20 years. I was a career-focused woman, established as an entrepreneur, casino dealer, and pediatric nurse. I enjoyed travel and the outdoors, I was an avid reader and a social butterfly with a carefree life. I was even going back to school for my RN degree.

But everything took a dramatic turn one day in October, a day that would change the very trajectory of my entire life as I knew it.

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The day my life changed forever

October 11, 2016 was the last day I worked in my chosen profession of nursing. I was just doing my job like any other day, in the middle of a 12-hour work day at a busy pediatric office in Buffalo, New York. It was then that my life was changed forever.

On this particular day, there was a feisty ten-year-old boy who was making it difficult for my colleague to get his routine vaccination. Every time my colleague went to inject, he would wave his arm like a duck, and it became a very dangerous situation. I came in to assist and helped the parent with a routine restraint to safely administer the vaccine.

I stood behind the parent and the combative ten-year-old, instructed the parent on how to hold his arms, and walked behind the child and parent to secure the hold. In an instant, things changed. The boy tucked his chin and threw his head back, hitting me on the forehead. I was thrown backwards against the plaster wall and back into his head! I had just suffered a concussion/mild traumatic brain injury but there was nothing slight about its impact on my life.

I immediately recognized that something was wrong. I struggled with my eyes, my left arm, headaches, dizziness and just generally feeling so sick! The doctor who was working that night sent me to the emergency room, where it was confirmed that I had suffered a blunt head injury, and he gave me a ticket to be off work for the rest of the week.

I never expected not to improve. I never expected that I would no longer be able to do my job or continue to earn my RN degree. I never thought my life as I knew it would end. I never knew what chronic pain was because I had never experienced it. I never knew what an invisible disease was or how my credibility as a healthcare professional would be challenged, and the once respected nurse now suffered from subjective symptoms.

From nurse to patient

TBI changed EVERYTHING in my life! The most basic skills were now compromised, from finding the right words, memory, working memory, balance, endless headaches, neck pain and loss of ability to count, to the incredible anxiety I suffered everyday.

I was so stressed from not working, from all the appointments I now had with different doctors and therapists, the never ending imaging and the repeating incident with all these providers. I couldn’t work and my life became a dating mess.

I couldn’t do the simplest things in those early days and years. My husband went from being my chosen life partner to being my full time caregiver. He had to drive me everywhere, he had to do all the laundry and household chores, he had to take care of the pets and make all the decisions for our family.

I was in a hellish system and felt like I was crazy. It was almost as if I had to PROVE that I was sick, that I was in pain, and that I wasn’t the same person anymore.

Workers compensation has specific benchmarks for how long they will pay for treatment or what is the standard time you should have problems. My brain injury fell outside these established guidelines and I had multiple independent medical examinations designed and incentivized for the physician to get the claimant back to work.

It was a horrible horrible experience going from respected nurse to pretend crazy with nothing wrong. After seeing over 50 medical providers, taking over 50 different medications, traveling to several states, and even going to Canada for specialized testing and treatment, it has been a huge physical, financial, and emotional burden on my family.

Something was wrong, but it took 18 months to finally get a diagnosis. Not only did I have a traumatic brain injury, but also cervical instability in my neck, which explained so many of my lingering symptoms. And while I was in terrible agony, I would soon find relief in the most unexpected way.

Finding hope and healing through cannabis

I discovered cannabis by accident in the most unlikely of places. My husband, trying to cheer me up, planned a trip to Vegas. Before my injury, I loved traveling to Sin City.

At this point, I was unable to go on vacation. I struggled to leave my home, how was I going to handle Vegas? My husband was sure this would cheer me up because I loved Vegas so much.

But the trip was an absolutely awful experience. The flight, the airport, the people, the lights and the activities were so overwhelming. The first four days of our trip I couldn’t leave our room, not even to go to dinner! I just cried in agony and pain and felt so depressed I was ready to take my own life.

We were in a balcony room on the Las Vegas strip. I dragged the coffee table to the edge of the balcony and stood on it, saying to myself, I just need to stop being a burden to the world, no one can live like this. It’s not fair for my husband to have to put up with this human being that he has no quality of life with.

In that split second, I saw a moving billboard pass the advertising strip, Get Your Medical Marijuana Card in Nevada Today. It came a second time and I laughed. It was really comical because I was a DARE graduate and my son had been arrested three years earlier for growing cannabis plants.

While I wasn’t an avid cannabis user, I did occasionally consume it at parties. I never thought of cannabis as a medicine, I never imagined it could help me. Well that day my husband came back to the room and I told him about the billboard. He immediately he said: Let’s go! Let’s try it!

I wasn’t so thrilled, but I reluctantly decided to go get my health card at a clinic and visit a dispensary. It was very overwhelming at the time, but the products I received at the dispensary that day literally gave me hope for the first time since my injury!

After four days of not leaving the hotel room, I was able to function in a way I haven’t had in months. For the first time I found hope in SOMETHING. Cannabis didn’t cure me, but it gave me hope, it gave me something to focus on other than the despair my life had turned into.

Cross the border to find relief

As I mentioned, I live in Buffalo, New York. Since I had my Nevada cannabis card, I expected to have the same experience in my home state as in Nevada. I couldn’t have been more wrong. New York has not recognized any of my medical issues as a qualifying condition.

I shared my experience with medical workers and was immediately told that I was an addict and that cannabis had no medical benefit. I was told that if I smoked cannabis, I was just getting high!

I became hopeless again and went back on mainstream medication. In late 2018, New York approved chronic pain as one of our qualifying conditions for medical marijuana, and I was able to get a card. Unfortunately, the quality of medicine in my home country was low and I found myself disappointed again.

Thankfully, I had friends in Canada who allowed me to travel into their homes and experience Canadian cannabis. I was able to learn so much about cannabis as medicine: I learned how cannabis could help me with my chronic pain, anxiety and depression, and cognitive function challenges.

I became a medical cannabis refugee in Canada due to access to so many specific products that have helped me find relief. For me, cannabis helps my symptoms so much not just for one or two components of the plant, but for the whole product, including the minor cannabinoids and terpenes.

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Cannabis connects my dots

Cannabis saved my life and for that reason, I am a strong, proud and passionate advocate. I’m normalizing the conversation about cannabis as medicine. I learned so much and believe I was chosen on this journey to help others discover cannabis as a medicine for their symptoms, especially for people dealing with unseen illnesses and mental health issues.

Cannabis can help with so many symptoms that people are struggling with. Doctors are not taught about cannabis as medicine, and it was patients who educated healthcare professionals about how cannabis has helped them. There is still a huge misconception around cannabis as medicine, and I am just one person with a history trying to change the world and gain safe access to the medicinal plant for the masses.

Knowing that medical cannabis can improve the quality of life for so many people, I always try to educate wherever I can to help remove the stigma. I always answer questions about my experience with products in different markets as I have tried thousands of unique brands, delivery systems and products from all over the United States and Canada.

I hope people find this column both informative and helpful in removing stigma by sharing stories and normalizing conversation. Cannabis connects my dots and allows me to have a quality of life I never imagined. The plant is my passion and I want to educate people to look at it without fear and help people live their best life!

This article was submitted by a guest contributor to GreenState. Statements within do not necessarily reflect the views of GreenState, Hearst or its subsidiaries. The author is solely responsible for the content.